QUIETUDE IDEAL

A collection of thoughts that go through my head because Alanis Morissette put them there.

Hi, I’m Shell. This blog is a record of thoughts that go through my head on my backyard on a Sunday afternoon, very much inspired by Alanis Morissette’s wisdom and accidently written live from her hometown in Canada. Read more…

RECENT POSTS

Audiobook: Words+Music by Alanis Morissette

I am listening to Alanis’ Words+Music. It is perfect. I feel emotional, happy, sad and mostly not alone. I’m thinking about how long it’s been since the day I locked myself in my room next to my CD player and determined I would memorize all the songs in her MTV acoustic special CD. It’s been …

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Smells like childhood

I don’t quite understand how my brain works. The way a smell triggers a memory or the way there’s a certain song that will always make me cry as if something terrible had happened. There’s one thing though that I know it’s very planted in my brain and even though I don’t get the mechanism, …

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Home

At some point I realized I just wanted to go home. Not to the perfect city, perfect country in a house with the perfect library. Not even the actual house I grew up in, just a place that felt safe and felt mine. We moved 6 times in the past 5 years. 5 different cities, …

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Relaxing

As we waited for a vaccine, a cure or a sudden end of COVID19, my mom and I decided to watch a few feel-good movies from our past this weekend. My kids were mostly sitting on the floor, playing with their legos through basically the 5 movies. And I thought, pandemic or no pandemic, life …

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Me, Alanis and the books

It’s funny because I never met my grandfather. None of them, actually. Yet, I have inherited something very particular from each one of them. My maternal grandfather loved books and alpino chocolate, just like I do. He was also a painter like me. He left me a collection of old books and paintings. Some of …

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Living in the now

This picture is perfect. Real photographers could criticize it enough, I am sure. But it is perfect, look: This is a picture of my dad’s ultimate dream life. That’s him sitting on that chair. In the water, you can see my mom and her grandkids. This is all my dad wants from life, he told …

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I’m not Lula Mae anymore

I think I’ve changed. Hopefully for the better, although, not entirely. I used to think that the universe would punish me if I ever got mad at anyone. I actually googled “what would Jesus do?” at one point trying to suppress negative feelings. That’s the part where I think I’ve changed for the worse. I …

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Letter to myself

I found a letter I wrote to myself 5 years ago. Apparently, I’ve been this dramatic for a very long time. Dear future me, Beyond all the crying, the screaming and them not doing what you tell them to, there’s a moment you visit from time to time as a parent. It doesn’t matter how …

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2 years in Canada

Today is Augst 4th. That means that 2 years ago exactly we landed in our new country. It’s been 2 years since I last smelled those familiar scents that my brain associates to the word “home”. For the longest time I repeated the same thing to my friends back there: “We are living in Canada, …

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“That” stage

This is how I pictured motherhood would be like: Me, right here, writing on this blog as the kids played around. You know, me doing my thing… them, doing their thing. As I remembered doing it when I was a child. It sure took a while and the sleep deprivation nearly got me to the …

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35

So, it happened. I turned 35. Five years ago, when I turned 30, I freaked. Well, I am a firm believer that everyone has the poetic license to freak out whenever they reach a milestone. Back then, my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, asked me “where do you see yourself in 5 …

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We’re tired

Well, I am. Moving away is exhausting. It feels a little bit like dying, to be honest. I’m not sure I’ve actually written this here before, because I remember thinking that exact thought. You say goodbye to a lot of people, like you do every day… like the woman at the bakery. She has no …

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